Here alone in this empty house because Le Prince will be spending the night with his artists. It's a hard period for me/us now; I don't get to see him much, when he comes home it's late and I'm tired - the only exchanges we have recently are "Good morning", "Fighting", "Have a nice day at work" and "Bye" and "I love you". #excusethemush
I literally can count the stuff we say with one hand. But I was gearing up for this before. I understood his schedule was going to become super irregular, that agreeing to this job was going to take away a lot of his private life... I know. But it's still really hard when it happens, and I'm still adjusting.
He cares for this group which is (to my surprise) seemingly really popular in Japan so naturally his schedule is packed to the brim (switched on the TV when I got home today and one of the members was on haha #strangefeeling) - the members have solo activities and they fly in and out separately; every time they do so he has to pick them up or send them off.
I should count my lucky stars they don't mistreat him. (Other than the fact that they work him like crazy and he hasn't rested for a total of more than 3 times in a month) Okay physically I think it's just... pure exploitation of his health. But at least they don't disrespect him. That's already a huge plus, standing from our industry's point of view. Apparently the leader's really particular and he's corrected or nagged at the staff if they don't carry out his requests right but Le prince hasn't been on that receiving end yet? I'm proud of him haha. But I always knew he had it in him.
I just feel grateful we have safely landed jobs, settled in. The only painful thing now is waiting for our visa to be approved.
He's just going to be more busy and more away (what with a national tour coming up in July so he won't be home for a month) and as for me, I was presented with a once in a lifetime opportunity and should it follow through... not only are we going to see each other even lesser, we will be in completely different places.
It's a turning point for him, and a turning point for me.
We're both in different stages in our lives; he is trying to work his way back up to the top after so many doubts and dark points since coming to Japan and I'm on the opposite end, trying to build a strong foundation and create a network for my career so that I too, can work my way up to the top.
Different, but the same goal: We want to succeed and make a name for ourselves.
I miss him everyday. Even when he's just gone for the day to work. I want to see him again.
Before, I couldn't take it and had constant tears in my eyes. I was shocked at how my heart aches when he wasn't there. I didn't know I was capable of feeling like that.
The ache is still very much present, but I know that the dreams and goals I have; the reason why I came to Japan in the first place - if I don't fulfil them now, I will be met with deep regret and remorse for myself later on.
So if it means more pain from now, I just know that it's for the greater good.
It's so cliche to say that the hardest times are the ones most worth it, but they really are. Even if the outcome didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, they will be the most valuable lessons learnt.
I just want to say that I'm so lucky to have Le prince, and I'm excited for what future has in store for us both. Regardless, I hope we will have the strength to pull through the tough times together and come out shinier.
♥︎
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