Midnight Thoughts: Work Woes

Quick update because it's past midnight here in Japan and I need to be up again for work. It's going to be a long day, but at least it's Friday!

Here alone in this empty house because Le Prince will be spending the night with his artists. It's a hard period for me/us now; I don't get to see him much, when he comes home it's late and I'm tired - the only exchanges we have recently are "Good morning", "Fighting", "Have a nice day at work" and "Bye" and "I love you". #excusethemush
I literally can count the stuff we say with one hand. But I was gearing up for this before. I understood his schedule was going to become super irregular, that agreeing to this job was going to take away a lot of his private life... I know. But it's still really hard when it happens, and I'm still adjusting.

He cares for this group which is (to my surprise) seemingly really popular in Japan so naturally his schedule is packed to the brim (switched on the TV when I got home today and one of the members was on haha #strangefeeling) - the members have solo activities and they fly in and out separately; every time they do so he has to pick them up or send them off.

I should count my lucky stars they don't mistreat him. (Other than the fact that they work him like crazy and he hasn't rested for a total of more than 3 times in a month) Okay physically I think it's just... pure exploitation of his health. But at least they don't disrespect him. That's already a huge plus, standing from our industry's point of view. Apparently the leader's really particular and he's corrected or nagged at the staff if they don't carry out his requests right but Le prince hasn't been on that receiving end yet? I'm proud of him haha. But I always knew he had it in him.

I just feel grateful we have safely landed jobs, settled in. The only painful thing now is waiting for our visa to be approved.

At some point, I'm going to have to suck it up and be stronger for him, us and myself because... it will only get harder from here.

He's just going to be more busy and more away (what with a national tour coming up in July so he won't be home for a month) and as for me, I was presented with a once in a lifetime opportunity and should it follow through... not only are we going to see each other even lesser, we will be in completely different places.

It's a turning point for him, and a turning point for me.

We're both in different stages in our lives; he is trying to work his way back up to the top after so many doubts and dark points since coming to Japan and I'm on the opposite end, trying to build a strong foundation and create a network for my career so that I too, can work my way up to the top.
Different, but the same goal: We want to succeed and make a name for ourselves.

I miss him everyday. Even when he's just gone for the day to work. I want to see him again.
Before, I couldn't take it and had constant tears in my eyes. I was shocked at how my heart aches when he wasn't there. I didn't know I was capable of feeling like that.
The ache is still very much present, but I know that the dreams and goals I have; the reason why I came to Japan in the first place - if I don't fulfil them now, I will be met with deep regret and remorse for myself later on.

So if it means more pain from now, I just know that it's for the greater good.

It's so cliche to say that the hardest times are the ones most worth it, but they really are. Even if the outcome didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, they will be the most valuable lessons learnt.

I just want to say that I'm so lucky to have Le prince, and I'm excited for what future has in store for us both. Regardless, I hope we will have the strength to pull through the tough times together and come out shinier.

♥︎

Interviews. How It Makes Me Feel.

Just words today.

My heart feels like it has many little fur balls in it. Do you know what I mean? Tousled, knotty and unsettled.

And incredibly itchy.

I was done with the 2nd round of interviews of this company I really wanted to get in. They are a concert production company, established; with a wide repertoire of local (Japanese) and international artists under their belt. There are a few reasons why I really want this job, but the core of it is the job scope. I didn't dare have high hopes when I sent in my resume for the document screenings. I was confident to a certain extent, but this is a big company we're talking about. I could only imagine how many people applied.

A small digression - Japan's recruitment system is unique; one of its kind. They start hiring fresh grad employees one year before they actually start working. Yep, you read me right. So they've actually started recruiting for 2015, in 2014. My case works a little different. They probably want someone to start working as soon as possible, so if I pass, I start in April. I think.

Back to why I'm feeling so knotty and tangled then. Miraculously, I had passed the document screening and I was invited to participate in the written exam (yup, that's also compulsory before you actually start interviewing!) but, the day of the exam would be when I was back in Singapore. Both were important to me and no matter how much I knew that staying to take the exam was the right thing to do, I couldn't let go of going back because it would be the first time I'm bringing Le Prince home. He had been so excited about the trip... I booked this trip way back in November as a surprise to my parents, lying to them that I wouldn't be able to make it back for CNY. I wanted to see them because I was just tired and down from all the visa shit I had went through that left me with no job, no money, and lost time. So. That, and the money too. I didn't foresee so many problems would come hitting me at the same time. When I booked that trip I had no idea my working visa would be rejected. I assumed I would have the right amount of money to pay everything. I even booked a stay cation at Marina Bay Sands. Huh-ray.

After many tears and tell-offs by my teachers, my Jie, and Le prince. I decided to forgo the exam and go home. You know? I had made so many people unhappy. But all of it was my fault and my responsibility. I don't know what I expected from them. The right answers, solace... But I couldn't feel at ease with anything they said because it was my choice to make! My teachers too, wanted me to stay and treasure this opportunity to death. It was a big company that could open many new doors and something like this doesn't come easy. They've been so worried for me, witnessing the whole visa hoo-ha. All they want is to see me settled down with a job. 替學生搥心肝的老師，哪裡找？

When the invitation to the written exam came, they did include a line saying to contact them if I couldn't make it. That was my only hope. I sent the email, and waited.

But it was the day of the exam, and still, no email.

So I thought, okay, I expected this anyway. Move on. Then another miracle happened. Just on the day before Le prince and I were scheduled to go back to Japan, there was an email, asking me to join the first round of interview and then take the written exam after!

こんな美味しい話ってある？！

So I did, but on the day of the interview, I felt overshadowed by the other candidates. I couldn't answer the questions with confidence. I stumbled over my words. Don't get me wrong. I prepared as much as I could and I did my best - but somehow there is this feeling of guilt that prevents me from feeling so.

Guilt. Guilt from not being able to answer to my teachers, guilt from not being my best... But the biggest guilt of all stems from not being able to answer to my parents. Ah... If I fail this and am not able to get a job by the deadline I'm given, I will be forced to go home. I had a long talk with Le prince the other day - expressing my concerns about the very near future... It's every bit of a possibility. Forced to go back with no job and experience after all that time and money invested in me. Not to mention, we would have to be in 2 separate places... What would happen to our relationship, then? Oh my god I would also have to rely on my parents again for financial and emotional support. The one thing I've been trying to break away but simply can't do. What the hell is wrong with me?

So... By miracle, once more I passed the first round and proceeded to the second, which happened yesterday. But I got nervous yet again, was overshadowed by more excellent candidates... Sat next to a girl who was younger and with so much more competence, confidence...
She was just bam bam bam with her answers.

This is not me... I am usually good with interviews. But of course. When you are interviewing in a third language, in a tense setting where you are so blatantly compared to other people. It's a freaking battlefield.

I left this interview feeling defeated.

I can't expect nor look forward to any more miracles... I don't have a good feeling.

The point of this post is not a cry out for sympathy. No, really. What triggered me to write this post was watching Asada Mao just crying after she finished her free skating performance. She nailed it. How she must have felt after failing at the short skating segment. The pressure, the guilt. And then I thought, no matter how much you practice, how much you prepare, how confident you feel... You can't really control what happens during the event itself. Some things just happen against your will.
Asada Mao's interview was much bigger than mine. She had to beat the world. But she really gave her all. Those tears must have been from a tsunami of so many different emotions. I can only really imagine.

This is closure for me.

I am just really really thankful for this opportunity. I don't think I truly understand how lucky I am. To be blessed with so many good people in my life, to be able to interview for so many big companies that are known on a global level. From where I come from, I really don't know how many people could have had this chance. Even though I'm not actually a part of the company, it's significant enough. That means I actually had enough ability to meet with these people. Working with them might be a different case altogether, but. I would like to think that I had it in me. I am thankful.

And so, if going home really has to be the path for me... Even if it ends in tears, I want to be able to cry like Asada Mao.
Knowing that I've done everything I could.

Seoul Day Two 05/01/2014 ~ 08/01/2014

Hello!

Back with an update of my Seoul trip!

DAY TWO

Woke up early to have breakfast at the hotel... I love hotel breakfasts I bet everyone does! But I forgot to take pictures of the food damn it.

Anyways it was pretty good - a modest continental spread with a variety of breads, salads, the must-have scrambled eggs, cereal, sausages and steamed dumplings! I just tried googling images but it seems that the menu changes quite often... I probably will stay here again (I still get to go one more time because of a previous incident... Haix more of that another time) so I promise to take pictures then!

Address: 112, Gwansu-dong, Jongno-gu, Seoul, South Korea

Phone:+82 2-2266-2244

If any of you are interested! I think quite a number of Singaporeans know of this hotel as well. I booked at a good rate via Agoda! :)

The staff were so friendly and helpful with impeccable service. They also speak good English which gives huge comfort if you're not familiar with Korean. Honestly, this is the one time in Korea I've experienced with the most kindness. Koreans in general are really not friendly/kind... (Some Koreans themselves would agree heh) Many times I really want to punch them in their face for being so rude but that's just how they are. Their culture so I guess I've gotten used to it? Either ways I still say my please and thanks to shop owners/sales people because I believe it's because they were first treated a certain way before they got sick of the attitude and then they just gave up on being nice altogether? If I say my please and thank yous it could also change their day and make them feel a little happier inside... It could be totally one-sided. Haha. 

And of course, I don't mean everyone - when I meet someone with so much kindness that just really makes my day! It's kind of silly to be affected by the attitude of strangers but it still hurts. I mean, we're all people right?

OOTD for the day - wearing the 100% cashmere sweater from UNIQLO in forest green, and shorts from Jorna Machida... Can't remember what the shop's name is but I love their shorts! The best thing is it has pockets! I love pockets with my skirts/shorts/rompers - it's actually a deciding factor of whether I want to purchase it or not lol.

Tights from 3 Coins, also known as the 300yen shop!

Le prince in his 100% cashmere too! We look like Christmas. Haha.

Off we go! It's always a no-plan-decide-later kind of thing whenever I'm with Le prince, so we first walked around aimlessly... Do any of you realise just how many freaking eateries there are in Korea? How not to get fat?! It's like, every other shop lined on the streets is a place for eating. And they all look so damn good!

Then we came across this! I was so amazed hahaha. Looks pretty high class yeah? I wonder if the patrons here would get disappointed if they actually see the original version in Singapore? 

And so, we decided to first make our way to the Gyeongbokgung Palace to do a bit of sightseeing since it was within walking distance.

My god it looks like I have horrible bed hair in this photo.

LOL fooling around trying to be all sneaky and stuff like in those period dramas when a fight breaks out.

I look awkward. With a constipated face haha.

This was the central banquet hall, for when Kings or other high ranked people came from other countries or areas; a banquet, or celebration would be held here. The "ground" surrounding the hall is actually water, which had frozen into hard ice!

I like this picture. :)

It is impossible to cover the entire palace grounds in a day - the area is massive! Honestly, I don't actually know how to appreciate viewing history sites. Don't get me wrong, I think the history is fascinating. It's just that looking at an empty place by itself is kind of dry... Which is why I really enjoy watching period dramas to see everything come to life!

This is also a bit off track but it's the same with manga and anime - I prefer to watch an animated version of the manga instead of reading it! 

Okays so back to the point - we actually walked for 3 hours! And I was in a rather gloomy mood because I was hungry. :x Le prince absolutely loves history (also really loves watching documentaries and period dramas haha like my dad!) so he was having a ball of a time! He wanted to walk more since we already paid for admission... But seeing I was hungry he said it was better to feed me lest I explode in flames. Hah.

We headed to the Samcheong district, which was east of the palace, and it was really lovely! It is a hilly area with many small art galleries, quaint little boutiques and atas looking restaurants/cafes. Many of which had waffles on the menu... My god I have to come back and try everything!

Sorry I'm so bad at making a travelogue... I need to take more pictures!

THIS.

Had 보쌈 (Bossam - boiled pork belly slices to be wrapped in lettuce with garlic and gochujang) and it was the bomb! The slices of pork were really tender and it tastes just as good on its own! Also shared 육개장 (Yukgaejang - spicy soup made with scallions, eggs and shredded beef, but my favourite part is the 당면, which is the glass or cellophane noodles in the soup!!) with Le prince. Luckily I told him to order just one share for the both of us - he initially ordered two! I told myself I would control myself and not eat so much this trip but... I failed miserably. 힝ㅠ

I sure regained all that lost stamina after a really satisfying lunch!

육대장

106-10 Samcheong-dong

Jongno-gu, Seoul, South Korea

We then proceeded to Myeongdong!

Sorry at this point I just completely forgot about having a camera and just really enjoyed looking around. We had churros for a little snack and it was OMG so good! It's from one of those many road side stalls selling all sorts of finger food! Le prince and I had peanut butter custard... So melty and soft and warm... Perfect for a cold winter night! Haix... regret not taking a picture. If I get to go again I'm definitely going back for more!

It's a bit pricey though... 3000won? That's like 300yen. Le prince says the vendors of these roadside stalls are all 부자 (Buja) meaning they are rich. I wouldn't doubt that. I'm guessing the cost of ingredients is not that high, and the rental, compared to an actual physical store should definitely be more affordable. And this guy was the only one selling churros! He really must be making loads.

♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

Always, always wanted to walk out of pancoat with their shopping bag in hand. I love their hoodies (obviously made popular by the Korean celebrities, but that's not the reason why - I just honestly really like the design!) and had just wanted to take a look. I had no intention to buy. I think they are a bit overpriced, but should they sell any cheaper, the novelty of the brand name would be lost I guess?

Then Le prince started picking out parkas/coats for me to try.

In the end, he bought it for me. :')

I'm so grateful for him... For everything he's said to me, I won't forget. I'll treasure those words, I'll treasure this coat he bought for me and wear it for 10 years. 

We're in this situation where we shouldn't be indulging. But still, because he didn't want me to be cold, he knows I don't have a proper warm coat. He wanted to get it for me.

Okay la I don't want to creep you out with more mush. I know it's silly, but I got a bit emotional after we walked out of the store. Haha.

Will make the reveal in my 3rd and last day post okay?

Have a  great a Sunday!

Reflections + Seoul (again!) Day One 05/01/2014 ~ 08/01/2014

Am kind of stuck.

It's only what, the second week into the new year and here I am feeling all dejected and unsettled. Maybe I managed to shelf these feelings away really well for the past few weeks because I honestly felt pretty good about myself. Until now.

I have some pretty huge decisions to make and really the moment I decide on which path to take my life is going to change. Two- omg it's going to be three now. Three years ago when I came to Japan I had the ultimate determination to make a name for myself. No one could stop me. I was on fire. I had just overcome a huge mountain, failing the MEXT scholarship exam twice; then finally passing the entrance examination of my now alma mater 専門学校 (specialised college - like our polytechnics in Singapore) with flying colours I even had a waive of my entrance fees! Thus I felt really motivated, and ready to take on whatever came at me. But as time ate itself away, it ate away at me too - I felt less and less sure about what I wanted to do... And then I met Le prince.

So that took away a lot of my time and energy - not that I'm complaining, he's become a big part of my life; a really important existence. But even when it is worth it, you can't deny - relationships keep you so occupied you can't think about anything else! If you are someone not affected by this, even when you're in the honeymoon phase... I sincerely salute you. Because I can't. I'm either a zero or a hundred, and I have such poor time management (hah the irony! When I am striving to be in the artist management industry) and basically that just made it even harder to manage myself. Because it's not just about me anymore. We're still in our first year+ and there is so much more that we have to get used to... I guess what I'm trying to say is it's really hard being around some one you care so much about when at the same time, it's the most crucial time for you as an individual as well.

If I get through this, it will be a huge step, yeah? Sigh.

Anyways, enough about that. Also wanted to blog about my trip to Korea (again) for a short escapade!

DAY ONE

The Skyliner train was abnormally crowded that day. Got cheated by the machine! It promised me a window seat but I got aisle! Tsk. 

Another horrible OOTD shot! Sorry la was a bit kan cheong spider cause I wanted to fasterly go duty free shopping! I was wearing all black (was in gangster mood) anyway so you won't see the details unless I take a picture with flash.

Bought a lipstick from YSL for my mum and a night cream from Biotherm Homme for Le prince but I got scolded by him for that :( I thought it was cheap since they don't have any counters in Japan except the airports, so I guess I got sold at that point! It really was cheap. I got it at 3000+ yen for a 50ml tub? I don't know already la. *small voice*

No photos on the plane... I kept drifting in and out of sleep - haven't had a good night of rest prior to leaving because I keep getting wary about the sounds outside our house. I don't care when Le prince is at home of course but when I'm alone... It gets scary because my area is really dark and quiet! About the airline I flew with, Jeju Air, it exceeded my expectations of an LCC airline! The staff were really professional and courteous (they were also dressed in proper blazer and suit uniform); service was impeccable. I kept wondering to myself if they were readying themselves to move on to commercial airlines in the future? Because there really was no difference; minus the meals and in-flight entertainment, nothing about the flight experience made me feel like I was losing out! I was also grateful for the cups of water they gave out - it can get so dry in the air. 

Landed at 2:30pm and reunited with Le prince, (with nothing but an Egg McMuffin since morning) yay! We were both hungry so off we quickly set off to the hotel. I was pretty excited since the booking came with free breakfast but I stupidly forgot to take pictures... More about that later. We arrived at 5+pm and had a quick fresh-up before we headed out to have food.

This:

is called 아구찜 (ah-gu-jjeem), ladies and gentleman. It's some sort of fish, steamed, with loads of veggies - kang kong! and loads of bean sprouts, which was so satisfying, cause I love bean sprouts! It was really spicy - but super addictive. Well. There goes my workout and eating clean, flying straight out the window.

And when you order a main, this comes complimentary:

감자탕 (Kamja Tang)! The best way I can explain this is like the Korean Ba Kut Teh? It's pork rib soup, spicy, and has (깻잎) potato leaves in it, which I also love! 

Had a super satisfying dinner... But got a bit self-conscious after the nice aunty said 아가씨 진짜 잘먹네~! (You ate so well, or a lot, in this case) In my defense I only had breakfast and I was hungry! :( 

I don't have the specific address for this restaurant but our hotel, Doulos Hotel was at the Jongno area,  and there was a stretch of restaurants that specialises in 보쌈 (sliced pork belly to be eaten wrapped in lettuce).  

After eating we went around Dongdaemun for a bit (no buys!) but we were tired so we headed back to the hotel for rest! And that was it for day one!

Okay shall continue in another post!